1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,080
I killed him.  Well...

2
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,200
And how long have you been
separated, the two of you?

3
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,320
A week.

4
00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:11,080
When can you come home?
Please, can you just try, Mum?

5
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,240
For me?

6
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,640
Oh, darling.

7
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,800
Ollie was great back there,
wasn't he?

8
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,120
He gets it all from you.

9
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,480
All the good stuff,
the funny stuff.

10
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,600
Not the cat-murdering,
psychopathic stuff.

11
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,480
You're fit, giving me the all.

12
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:24,680
CAT MEOWS

13
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,880
Becca, you've got to let me
help you, please.

14
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:30,320
You should have started
at half nine.

15
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:33,120
Sorry, I'm letting you go
but you're a terrible employee.

16
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,600
I've been sleeping with Nic.

17
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,400
Oh, my God.

18
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,240
You?!  Yeah.

19
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,360
We should put this on the big
screen at school.

20
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,720
Like Mum made me do for her
at that memorial.

21
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,840
What?

22
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,080
When the phone alarm goes off,

23
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,400
connect it to this Bluetooth device.

24
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:54,400
I've had that level of connection
to a guy called Alex.

25
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,320
I want to go home.

26
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:05,920
Yeah, Ollie, you said.

27
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,640
Where's Mum?  I'm-I'm still trying
to work out where she is

28
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,920
and when I do, you'll be the first
to know.

29
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,800
Ollie, do you want to see
how many times

30
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,200
I can fold this crisp packet up?

31
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,200
No, no, I don't.

32
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,720
I want to go home.

33
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,000
Can't you call Daddy
to come and pick me up.

34
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,000
No, Ollie.  Why not?

35
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,560
Look, you might get
to call the shots at home,

36
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,800
but you don't get to do to do that
here, and certainly not with me.

37
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:34,320
Look, your mum's left you
in my care.

38
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:37,760
OK?  Yeah, she wouldn't if she knew.

39
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,080
What did you say?

40
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,240
Nothing.  If she knew what?

41
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,200
Just to let you know,
I'm on fold number seven.

42
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,280
Don't care.

43
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,280
Do you want me to let you know when
I'm on fold number eight?  Nope.

44
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,440
Do you want me to let you know when
I'm on fold number nine?  No.

45
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,400
I'll wake you up when I get
to fold number ten.  Da-da-da.  OK.

46
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:03,800
Action!

47
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:20,920
SHE SIGHS

48
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,240
Nic?

49
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,360
Nic?

50
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,080
Get away!  Ah!

51
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,280
What have I told you about
stealing our pants?

52
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,080
I'm sorry.

53
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,840
Get away! Get!

54
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:52,760
Run for your life.

55
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,000
Run!

56
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,920
Fucking stalker!

57
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,480
LAUGHTER

58
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,400
CHATTERING

59
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,720
PHONE RINGS

60
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,760
Hi, this is Nic.

61
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,480
I'm just avoiding someone
I don't like.

62
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:40,000
Leave a message and if I don't call
you back, it's you.

63
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,240
After what I told you,
how can you still be my mate?

64
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,400
And I don't think
I've ever said that to anyone,

65
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,800
other than Ollie,
and really meant that.

66
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,880
DOG BARKS

67
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,280
I need to have a look
through your bag.

68
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,640
Oh!

69
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,360
This is ridiculous.

70
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:18,000
What are you even looking for?
Guns?  Yeah, and nail bombs.

71
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,720
Do I really look like the kind
of person that would bring

72
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,440
a nail bomb to a Christmas party?

73
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:24,440
No, but you do look like you'd drown
a litter of Andrex puppies

74
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:25,640
in a barrel full of piss.

75
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:27,840
It's in the eyes.

76
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,000
No, don't open that.
That's Becca's secret Santa.

77
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,280
Fine.

78
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,880
Something unfunny and distasteful,
I assume.

79
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,040
Potty humour.

80
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,840
The worst type of humour
belongs in a potty.

81
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,920
Not on my shop floor.

82
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,440
I'm gonna have to confiscate these,
I'm afraid.

83
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,360
Oh, you're pathetic.

84
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,000
You knew there was gonna
be a cash bar?

85
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,240
Well, I can't afford to pay
£5 for a pint.

86
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,440
Not on what you pay me.

87
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,520
You get 20% discount
off everything in store.

88
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:58,240
Oh, do I look like someone who wants
to eat pumpkin fucking gnocchi?

89
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,120
No. No, you don't.

90
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,080
DOG GROWLS AND BARKS
Jesus Christ!

91
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,640
Gavin, get it off of me!

92
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:04,960
Are you smuggling drugs, Jen?

93
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,200
No, you twat! I'm on my period!

94
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,280
Stop it, Adam Rickets! Kev!
Kev, quickly.

95
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,880
Grab an artisanal salami
from aisle four.

96
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,240
The one with the fennel?

97
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:15,640
It doesn't matter.

98
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,480
Just get off me, Adam Rickets!

99
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,040
Rickets, here boy, go on.

100
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,400
Oh, it's not working.

101
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,040
You'll have to stick your finger
up his arse.

102
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,920
I can't stick my finger up
Adam Rickets' arse.  Just do it!

103
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:28,040
You absolute bastard!

104
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,280
DOG GROWLS

105
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:30,760
DOG WHINES

106
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,680
Enjoy your evening.

107
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,480
And I want my pants replaced.

108
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,880
Of course.

109
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,000
Matalan?

110
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,120
No!

111
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:49,520
Bon Marche.

112
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,120
Touche.

113
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,360
Don't touch the salami
before you've washed your hands.

114
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,160
Oh!  Fucking hell.

115
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,560
It's like dealing with a Womble.

116
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,960
Shall I just bin it?

117
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,080
No, no, just just reduce it.

118
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:15,840
Hi, this is Becca.

119
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,440
Please leave a message and I'll
get back to you as soon as possible.

120
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,600
Mate, um...

121
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,160
You all right?

122
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,960
He, um, he's letting you out,
isn't he?

123
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,560
Fuck me, it is getting dire here.

124
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,280
Um,

125
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:36,880
look, if you can't come,
you just let me know that you're OK.

126
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:43,000
And also, Kev is being a complete
Nazi about the karaoke thing.

127
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,200
So if you don't come, then
he's gonna make me do it on my own.

128
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:50,440
So, er, you'll have that
on your conscience.

129
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,840
Will you, er, please just let me
know you're all right.

130
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,040
BALLOON BURSTS

131
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:10,840
OK, and the last present is for Kev.

132
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,520
Yeah, great.

133
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,760
Oh, that is...

134
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:18,880
Where's mine?

135
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,480
I don't know, that was the last one.

136
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,320
Are you kidding?

137
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,480
Even the cheese delivery guy
got flavoured Johnny's

138
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,160
and he only turns up
for 15 minutes once a fortnight.

139
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,680
Yeah, but Nige is popular though.

140
00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,720
Captain gobbler. Ooh, ooh, ooh!

141
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,640
It's just it's not even going to
make any sense.

142
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,240
It's a duet, it's a two parter.

143
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,120
What? Your name's down,
so you've got to do it.

144
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,640
I know my name's down,

145
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,880
but so is Becca's,
and she's not here.

146
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,040
Why don't you just stop sulking
and start singing?

147
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,120
You're actually ruining Christmas
for everyone.

148
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,680
I'm not ruining Christmas.

149
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,320
Isn't she? Yes.

150
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,840
Confirmed.

151
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,320
prevented me...

152
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,920
DOG BARKS

153
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,520
Stop being a bastard, bastard!

154
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,280
Oh! Oh, God!

155
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,480
DOG GROWLS

156
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,880
Arranged everything.

157
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,400
But you have to be the one to do it.

158
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,800
Can you just leave us alone?

159
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,080
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

160
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,560
DOOR CREAKS OPEN

161
00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:27,440
DOOR CREAKS

162
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,000
Oh, who'd you get it off?

163
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,200
I confiscated it.

164
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,880
From who?  Pat from HR.

165
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,520
Don't give me too big a line or I
won't eat anything from the buffet.

166
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,360
I've been looking forward
to that buffet.

167
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:41,520
You rack 'em up, then.

168
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:42,760
All right, give it here.

169
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,960
Oh, God, it was painful
watching her sing, wasn't it?

170
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,560
Did you know Becca wasn't coming?

171
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,520
No, did you?  Yeah.

172
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,640
She doesn't want to be anywhere
near that loco from Acapulco.

173
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:54,920
Really?

174
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,680
Yeah, she's been doing
creepy shit,

175
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,000
like filming
their private conversations.

176
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,080
Why?

177
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,800
Cos she's like proper fucking
Coco Pops.

178
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,160
Jesus Christ!

179
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,800
Crush it up a bit before you rack
it, Kev.  Sorry, sorry, sorry.

180
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,440
Yeah, go on, carry on, carry on.

181
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,560
Apparently, this woman got
in contact with Becca on Facebook

182
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,680
and was, like,
"Stay the fuck away from her."

183
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,840
She's just, like, notorious
for filming all the time.

184
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,400
She's, like, constantly filming.

185
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,080
She's done it loads before.

186
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,480
There's so many more women.

187
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,960
What? How many?

188
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,520
Loads.

189
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,800
This one woman said she thought Jen
was spying on her outside her house.

190
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,840
So her husband put a load of talc
down outside the kitchen window.

191
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,960
And when they look the next day,
there was a pair of size six

192
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,760
Shoe Zone prints in it.

193
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,440
Jen wears Shoe Zone?

194
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,120
I know, Kev.

195
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,960
She's a cheap bitch.

196
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,000
MUSIC PLAYS

197
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,640
You are a stalker!

198
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,280
He is cheating on you.

199
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:50,400
You're not pregnant.

200
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,240
I am! What is this? A fucking test!

201
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,640
I'm not married.

202
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,440
is all I need

203
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,640
Stop! You can't get rid of me.

204
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,000
You can't get rid of me.

205
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,240
I'm trying to help her.

206
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,000
I'm trying to help her.

207
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,040
Oh, do you know what? Give it here.
My God.

208
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,240
Shit.

209
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,040
Under that door.

210
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,680
CHICKEN CLUCKS WEAKLY

211
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,120
Yeah.

212
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,520
All I can see is a pair
of crap Shoe Zones.

213
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,760
Exactly!

214
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,640
DOG BARKS

215
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,600
DOOR OPENS

216
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,880
SHE SIGHS DEEPLY

217
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,840
BANGING ON DOOR

218
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,160
HE SNORES

219
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,920
Nic!

220
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,760
Is that Mr Woodbead?

221
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,080
Mr Woodbead!

222
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,800
Shit!

223
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,560
Urgh.

224
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,240
Nic!

225
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,600
BANGING AND SNORING

226
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,600
MasterChef semifinal.

227
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,360
Nic!

228
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:40,560
Souffle.

229
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,160
HE SNORES

230
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,600
Torode?

231
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,080
Jen, just leave me down here.

232
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,320
I'm not just gonna leave
you out here, am I?

233
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:53,360
All right!

234
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,000
Well, little Viv, she's got a key.
She'll let me in.

235
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,560
That's not happening.

236
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:59,560
All right, stand back.

237
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,760
What are you doing?  Just stand back,
Ollie, OK?  OK.

238
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,160
I'm gonna smash this window.

239
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,920
Ah! What the hell?1

240
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,840
Harry, pass me that gnome.

241
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,480
Not Mr Wigglesworth.

242
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:12,800
That'll break Malcolm's heart.

243
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,600
Wait, wait, there's a key
under the gnome.

244
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,960
SMASHING

245
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,320
My God, she's deranged!

246
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,560
Nic!

247
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,480
Nic!  Nic, Nic, wake up!
I know you're up there.

248
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,600
Get up!

249
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,040
Get downstairs now!

250
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,520
Jen's let herself in downstairs.

251
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,800
She's nuts.

252
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,040
Come on, get up.
She's coming through the front door.

253
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,720
I had a dream that I gave birth
to a flip-flop.

254
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,960
Had a little knitted hat on it.

255
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,480
Terrifying.

256
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:54,680
Oh!

257
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,360
Mum!  Hi, darling.

258
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,320
Did you stay here last night?

259
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,000
Yes, love.

260
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,960
Look, I'm sorry...  Why didn't you
come to pick me up?

261
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,200
I just need to talk to Jen
for a minute, love.

262
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,800
I'm so sorry.
Can I talk to you first?

263
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,560
A couple of minutes.

264
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,280
Mum, it's important.
Listen to your mum, Ollie.

265
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,680
No. You're on my territory now,
you listen to me.

266
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,120
Ollie!

267
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,400
No, Mum.

268
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,320
Did you know that she told
Harry to play that recording

269
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:32,960
of you at the memorial on purpose?

270
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,600
What?

271
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,200
Harry, tell her.
Tell her what you told me.

272
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,360
Tell her what?

273
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:39,880
You told me

274
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,680
that your mum told you to play
that video of my mum.

275
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,320
No, I didn't.  Yes, you did!
I did not.

276
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,600
Ollie, what is this?
Are you all right?

277
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,280
Mum? She's unhinged.

278
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:54,120
They're both lying,
and I'm not having it.

279
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,960
You need to believe me for one...
Please, just one time.

280
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,280
I need you to go up to your room
and let me talk to Jen.

281
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,840
I'm not having you
not believe me again, please!

282
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,520
Ollie, I've believed you before,
mate.

283
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,480
I need you to go upstairs
to your room, please.

284
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,800
Mum, please.  Ollie, I need you to go
upstairs now!

285
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,400
I'm not going anywhere
until you say you believe me.

286
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,280
Is it true?

287
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,200
Oh, are you kidding?

288
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,920
Ah.

289
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,400
Oh...

290
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,160
Do you know, he's been like this
all night!

291
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,600
Hey, he's hardly slept, look at him,
he's been beside himself,

292
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,240
he was convinced
that you'd abandoned him.

293
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:34,120
And just because I wouldn't march
him round here at 3.00am,

294
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:35,600
he's taking it out on me!

295
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,840
I'm furious, Nic!

296
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,400
Come on, Harry!

297
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,920
Jen!

298
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,040
Jen!

299
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,880
Jen. I'm...

300
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,400
I'm sorry, I had a bath,
and then I had a couple of drinks

301
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,120
and it just...
Did you...him?

302
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,840
What?  Did you?

303
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,840
Jesus, Jen!  Did you?

304
00:15:58,840 --> 00:15:59,880
No!

305
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,240
See, Nic, I can tell
when you're lying.

306
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,600
You know, cos you're
exactly like sodding Pinocchio,

307
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,520
except your nipples go hard.

308
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:11,120
Oh, my God!  Yeah.

309
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,080
What's that all about?
I don't know.

310
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,880
It's something to do with
the anxiety,

311
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,560
it sort of increases
your blood flow to...

312
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,880
That's disgusting...

313
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,160
So, what is this, then? What,
are you back together with him?

314
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,440
Oh, I don't know...
Oh. Course you don't.

315
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,840
I'm sorry. This is none of your
business, actually!

316
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,760
None of my business?  No!

317
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,120
None of my business?!

318
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,280
That is...

319
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,480
Oh, I just...

320
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:33,920
I think I'm going to wet myself.
That is...

321
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,960
What is wrong with you? You're...

322
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,600
I know your business, Nic, more
than you know your own business!

323
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,120
Oh, really?

324
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,640
Yeah, cos I know
when you do your business

325
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:48,120
and I also know that you stand up
to wipe your bum, which is...

326
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,600
I mean, who does that?

327
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,120
Everybody does that.

328
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:52,880
No, they don't, Nic! They...

329
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,080
They don't!  Do you?

330
00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,320
No!  Oh!

331
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,560
You make everything
my business your business.

332
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:02,680
Sorry, your business...

333
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,080
No, your business...
..my business.

334
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,600
My business your business.

335
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,440
Your business my...yes.
You know what I mean!

336
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,120
I know what you mean.
Are you going to...?

337
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:13,040
Are you going to tell him
about what I told you?

338
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,120
Are you?

339
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:21,800
After everything I've done for you,
you're just going to go back to him?

340
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,560
You're acting like
I'm cheating on you!

341
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,960
This isn't normal behaviour, Jen,
you're scaring me.

342
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,760
I'm scaring you? Am I?
A little bit, yeah.

343
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,000
Harry, did Mummy make you play
that video at the memorial?

344
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,000
Don't, Nic!
Yes or no...

345
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,800
Let him talk.  How dare you!

346
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,080
Mummy, can we go?

347
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,320
Yeah, yeah, we can go,
we're going to go, OK.

348
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,440
Jen!

349
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,880
You know what, Nic, just...
Just don't.

350
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,920
Jen!  Don't!

351
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:53,760
Oh, my God, look.

352
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:58,280
Psychopath, smashed Mr Wigglesworth
to crumbs, look.

353
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,640
Are you going to tell Malcolm?
Cos I'm not.

354
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,120
Oh, my love, I believe you.
OLLIE SOBS

355
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,360
LOUD MUSIC

356
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,160
What the...?

357
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,480
Um, what is going on here?!

358
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,240
Oh, Katya, it's you!

359
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,920
Come in, come join us,

360
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,760
Daphne's put on the most
marvellous film!

361
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,280
Are you watching Magic Mike?

362
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:45,960
No, darling,
it's Magic Mike XXL, darling!

363
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,240
What is that?

364
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,440
That's called helicoptering,
apparently.

365
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,360
It's an art form, darling!

366
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,080
No.

367
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,560
Right, out, get out,
both of you! Now!

368
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,760
Oh, you big cock block!

369
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,440
You made us miss
the best bit, darling!

370
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,960
Right. Well, I'll take that.

371
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,520
Plenty more where that came from.

372
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:06,800
And that.

373
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,440
Out, now! Both of you.

374
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,760
We may be having over
some gentlemen later.

375
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:12,920
Are we?  Yes.

376
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,480
I thought we might call
the fire brigade

377
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,640
and pretend we're in
a bit of a jiffy.

378
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,320
Oh, genius, darling!

379
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:45,080
CUT! Sorry, there's a plane going
over, it'll ruin the sound.

380
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,760
I thought this was a silent movie?

381
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,160
Listen, Daniel, you just focus on
what you're doing

382
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,880
and I'll focus on what I'm doing.

383
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,480
Right?
What is it that he does?

384
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,640
Right, he just needs to lay there

385
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,600
while his organs are
being harvested by you,

386
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,800
the power-mad cult leader,
without smirking please, Dad.

387
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,080
This is serious.

388
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,720
Oh. I'm sorry... I've got to take
this off. I can't breathe.

389
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:06,800
Sorry, I am taking it seriously.

390
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,440
I'm just smirking at the fact
that I'm being

391
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,800
sacrificed on a massage table...

392
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,000
It's all we could get, so you've
just got to run with it.

393
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,960
Well, I need you to justify it
in my back story.

394
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,320
No, I don't.

395
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,040
Well, you sort of do, actually.

396
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,760
If you want to be a director,
it's like 90% of this is

397
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,320
sort of indulging
your Daniel Day-Lewis types.

398
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,200
Yeah! You've got to indulge me here.
Indulge him.

399
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:32,080
Fine! You are getting sacrificed
on a massage table

400
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,960
because you were a physio

401
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,040
and the power-mad cult leader
wants to rub it in your face.

402
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:44,280
Happy?  Who was I a physio to?
Sheffield Wednesday.

403
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,520
Oh, right.  Reserves.

404
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,440
You're on, like, £19k a year...

405
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:54,400
Sometimes do some private work, too,
with Ben Fogle

406
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,040
when he was training to run up some
Welsh hill or whatever....

407
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,600
Yeah.  It's a lot, innit?

408
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:00,800
That's a lot for me to have to
process.

409
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,080
It's a lot to deal with.
So why am I so mad?

410
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,360
Because you're mad with power.
Mad with power. Oh!

411
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,520
Yeah, but why is
she mad with power, though?

412
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,720
Because she's an outcast.

413
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,640
You know, she buys her shoes
from Shoe Zone

414
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,280
and it's just, just messed
her up, really.

415
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:19,720
Have you based this on Jen?

416
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,760
Yeah.

417
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,880
Oh, I don't... I don't know
if I'm comfortable with that.

418
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,040
Please. This is the perfect thing
to base it on.

419
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,040
Mad, check.

420
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,200
Outcast, check,
possible cult leader, check,

421
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,200
soulless emu eyes, double check.

422
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,320
She doesn't have soulless emu eyes,
does she?

423
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,800
She bloody does, Nic.
Unusually tiny head.

424
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:43,840
Do you know, I sort of get
the black soullessness of the...

425
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,120
Sorry, what did you just say?
Tiny head.  Tiny head.

426
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:49,480
Can't trust anyone with a tiny head.
All psychopaths have tiny heads.

427
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,920
Do you know, I saw her
put on a hat of Mrs Baggott's

428
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,400
and it literally engulfed
her whole head

429
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,800
and it went up to the shoulders.

430
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,560
And I remember looking at her
thinking,

431
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,480
"Oh, my God, that's the Pixar lamp."

432
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,880
So, the tiny head did creep you out
a little bit, didn't it?

433
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,840
Well, I was a little bit, yeah.
I suppose.

434
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,480
Good - that is good. Work with that.
Try...

435
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,360
Try and think about that, OK.

436
00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:11,880
Channel that.

437
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,320
Right. Ready?  Yeah, ready.

438
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,320
Don't laugh.  No, I won't.

439
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,840
Action!

440
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,760
CUT!  Sorry, it's just that Pixar
lamp thing that really tickled me.

441
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,320
That's good, isn't it?
That's a very niche reference.

442
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,160
Mum, it's not even that funny.
It was.

443
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,800
Just carry on with this.

444
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,040
Right, let's try it again.

445
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,160
OK?

446
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,400
And action!

447
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,840
Right, that's it, that's a wrap.

448
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,920
Sorry. Oh, come on, Kubrick.

449
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,400
Don't be like that.

450
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,040
Don't take the mickey, honestly.

451
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,360
Oh, come on!

452
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,720
Call my agent, amateurs!

453
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,160
SHE SIGHS DEEPLY

454
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,040
KNOCK ON DOOR

455
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,040
KNOCK ON DOOR

456
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,520
Nic?

457
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,600
Look, I get what you said before,
and, you know what?

458
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,320
You're probably right.

459
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,240
I should stop blaming Nic
for it all,

460
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,200
Alex was just as much to blame.

461
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:11,200
Even more, really,
he was an insecure prick.

462
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,920
And you know what? He was always
like that, even before Nic.

463
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,960
But I just...I...

464
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,360
I really need to see that video,

465
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,360
I need to see what she said,

466
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,600
for my own sanity,
I need to see that video...

467
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,680
Christ, if you're that desperate
for the video,

468
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,040
I'll send it to you now.
You will?  Yeah.

469
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,480
If it means you'll piss off.

470
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:31,840
All right.

471
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,640
Great.

472
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,360
OK, I just...

473
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:36,520
Sorry, do you have my number?

474
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,800
No, I just...
I'll air drop it to you.

475
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,360
No, I've got an Android.

476
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,760
Can't you air drop to an Android?
No.

477
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,680
Oh, God, that's so annoying,
you'd think they'd fix that.

478
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,440
Right, well,
give me your number then.

479
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:51,520
07700...  Oh.

480
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,520
Wait a sec, I haven't even
unlocked it yet.

481
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,480
Sorry.

482
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,480
07700 90046...
Do you want to slow down?

483
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:04,200
Who reads their number all at once
like that without even...?

484
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,320
077...  Yeah.

485
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:07,600
..00...  Yeah.

486
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,520
..900...  Yeah.

487
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,120
..468.

488
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:12,480
488.

489
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,600
No! 468.

490
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,200
Oh, 468.  Hm-mm.

491
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,880
All right, read it back to me
one more time.

492
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,080
Really?

493
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,720
Do you want me to send this or not?

494
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:27,400
07700...

495
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,800
..900468.

496
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,680
Sent. Have you got it?

497
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,000
Yes.

498
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:43,160
It's like the most
heinous thing anybody could ever do.

499
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:44,920
Shit, shit, shit.
No, no, no, no, no.

500
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:46,440
That's...that's the wrong one.

501
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,080
What...? What do you mean?
That's, um...

502
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,280
Right.
What, you...? You deleted it?

503
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,160
Right, you've got the right one
there, so...

504
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,200
What? What was the other video?
Nothing.

505
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,280
It was nothing, you've got what you
wanted, now just fuck off!

506
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,400
Jen! Jen!

507
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:26,960
And it's the most
heinous thing anybody could ever do.

508
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,800
Oh, God, you're not a nonce are you?

509
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,160
Oh, my God, no!

510
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,320
OK, no, fine, sorry.

511
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,640
Um, I don't... I don't know what,
then, what?

512
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:39,960
Alex...

513
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,320
What?

514
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,120
..I killed him.

515
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:45,760
I killed him.

516
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,080
all night long

517
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,120
makes me your man